1. Retreat to their bedroom closet with a bag of cookies so they don’t have to share.
2. Pick up the spoon their toddler just dropped on the kitchen floor and give it right back. Five second rule.
3. Curse under their breath when they get up 3:47 a.m. and trek down the hall to the nursery just to put the pacifier back into the baby’s mouth.
4. Fetch the mail or morning paper in such ratty, deplorable loungewear that others would have to see to believe.
5. Double-dip the spoon in the peanut butter jar, the kids’ macaroni and cheese, or whatever it is that we need to eat at the moment.
6. Hide their child’s most annoying toy.
8. Try on a flattering outfit and floss in front of the mirror.
9. Sing. Loudly. And not just in the shower or the car.
And this one is a given…
*I certainly don’t pass judgment on those who sleuth around on their spouse or significant others. (Hey, if you think something’s up, you do what you gotta do.) But in this instance, I’m talking about going through your children’s things. While there’s no need for me to do it now, trust me, when Scotty and Kennedy hit the teen years, I am going to be all up in their beeswax.