As I write this, all 32 NFL teams are in the throes of training camp; the Hall of Fame enshrinement ceremony and game will take place this weekend; and fans are already assembling their fantasy leagues.
This all means one thing: Football season has officially begun.
I know, I know. I can see your eyes rolling from here. But I, in fact, welcome this time of year with open arms and a bevy of pizza delivery menus on standby.
Here’s why you should, too:
Your man is home
Bars. Casinos. God-knows-what. There’s no shortage of vices your man could be dabbling in. So when you consider that he’s sitting in front of the TV with a bag of cheese puffs, it’s all good.
Even the man who delights in eating Thanksgiving dinner year-round won’t balk at eating pizza and wings on game day…which means no one has to slave away in front of a hot stove. Got a cell phone? Then you’ve got dinner.
Football season coincides with back-to-school
I’ve heard these stories, and I’m guessing most of them are true: They are tales of mothers who literally rejoice at the arrival of back-to-school time because when the kids schlepp off to school, we have more time for ourselves. (These stories had better be true because I’ll be devastated if, come to find, this is all an urban mommy myth.)
YOU get eye candy…and YOU get eye candy…and YOU get eye candy!!!
(Note: The caption above is best read in the likeness of Oprah à la her famous car giveaway episode.) What physical attributes do you find attractive in a man? Washboard abs? Then wide receivers will tickle your fancy. Tall, lean, and chiseled? Quarterback. Like ‘em on the meatier side? Ogle a lineman. The game of football presents a visual smorgasboard for us all.
Football gives way to a second game: Let’s Make a Deal – The Honey-Do List Edition
That wobbly banister leading to the basement needs fixing. The faucet in the kids’ bathroom has been leaking for so long, you could have fed a small nation with the money it has already cost you. And you have absolutely no intention of climbing a ladder to change the light bulb in the garage. Of course you’ll let him watch football – provided he performs a few key upgrades first. It’s called a two-way street, fellas.
He’s not bothering you
Manicures. A trip to the mall. Retreating in solitude to your mom cave. Think of all the glorious things you could be doing if you had time – time that instantly becomes available when your man is watching football. And not nagging you.
NFL football plays on Sunday, Monday, and Thursday. Here’s the deal: I’d venture to say your man and/or son(s) are wearing their favorite football jerseys on one – if not all three of those days. Okay, yes, said jersey will reek like a barnyard by the end of the week, but that’s beside the point. Look at the bright side: They’ve just shaved several pounds off the dirty clothes hamper.
You might actually enjoy it
“I don’t understand it,” I’ve heard women say. “Football is so complicated,” is another common refrain. Football, complicated? Nah. I’ll show you complicated. Complicated is potty training your toddler with a newborn underfoot. Complicated is trying to navigate the perils of having a boss from hell while juggling equally taxing demands at home. If we can accomplish all of the above, we can comprehend the game of football. And we may actually grow to like it, too.
It’s a ready-made family-friendly party
I'm in awe of those Martha Stewart-meets-Macgyver types I see on Pinterest. I’m missing the DIY gene. But a tailgate party is easy: the team colors are pre-determined, the most pedestrian food and snacks will suffice, and the main event is on TV. So long as you can keep the male attendees from cursing like sailors at every bad play, you’re covered.
You get to cheer…for your kid(s)
So your child plays youth football. And maybe – as much as you hate to admit it – he’s horrible. Or, on the other hand, he might be the team’s MVP. It really doesn’t matter. Regardless, you’ve just been given an opportunity to root for him and boost his self-esteem in the process. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that, years down the line, he won’t remember the outcome of the season’s third away game, but he will remember the look on your face when you said that he rocked and that you are proud of him.
So are you ready for some football?
Yes, ladies. We are.
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