It’s real. And, quite possibly, coming to a household near you if someone dares to complete one or more of the following offenses. Consider yourself warned…
1. While standing in line at the store, reach out and touch the cheek of the newborn belonging to the Mommy in front of you. (This is not only a surefire way to set Mommy off, but also a fantastic way to draw back a nub.)
2. Second guess any Mommy’s parenting skills, and furthermore, tell her that you are doing so. (When will people realize that, barring insanity or an extreme chocolate deficiency, we’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got?)
3. Few things can light Mommy’s fuse before her child arrives, but lobbying for a seat next to her OBGYN during delivery is just the thing to do it. If Mommy wants you there, she will let you know.
4. On the heels of number three, some people actually take it one step further and attempt to crash Mommy’s homecoming from the hospital under the guise of offering “help.” (Yeah, okay. Insert eye-roll here.)
5. Label her child as “slow” or “off” in comparison to the milestones already reached by other children. Them’s fightin’ words.
6. Keep doing something Mommy told you not to. And keep doing it. Over. And over. And over. This stands for children and adults.
7. When you’re in a parking lot of a superstore and see a Mommy who’s clearly having a tough go of it – let’s say she’s, oh, seven months pregnant and struggling with her man child of a toddler – turn the knife even further by snatching the only shopping cart within a ten-mile radius. Even if you don’t need it.
8. Blatantly disrespect Mommy’s time by completely disregarding the window you’ve promised for service. (I’m looking at you, Refrigerator Repair Man.)
9. Jerk Mommy around by transferring her from one incompetent account representative to the next. (I’m looking at all of you, Insurance Phone Representative People.)
10. Suggest to any Mommy – regardless her children’s ages – that she “should have lost all of her baby weight by now.” This is, by all means, an invitation for a myriad of problems.
What sets you off?
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