Monday, March 17, 2014

10 ways to set Mommy off


Mommy rage.

It’s real. And, quite possibly, coming to a household near you if someone dares to complete one or more of the following offenses. Consider yourself warned…

1.       While standing in line at the store, reach out and touch the cheek of the newborn belonging to the Mommy in front of you. (This is not only a surefire way to set Mommy off, but also a fantastic way to draw back a nub.)

2.       Second guess any Mommy’s parenting skills, and furthermore, tell her that you are doing so. (When will people realize that, barring insanity or an extreme chocolate deficiency, we’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got?)

3.       Few things can light Mommy’s fuse before her child arrives, but lobbying for a seat next to her OBGYN during delivery is just the thing to do it. If Mommy wants you there, she will let you know.

4.       On the heels of number three, some people actually take it one step further and attempt to crash Mommy’s homecoming from the hospital under the guise of offering “help.” (Yeah, okay. Insert eye-roll here.)

5.       Label her child as “slow” or “off” in comparison to the milestones already reached by other children. Them’s fightin’ words.

6.       Keep doing something Mommy told you not to. And keep doing it. Over. And over. And over. This stands for children and adults.

7.       When you’re in a parking lot of a superstore and see a Mommy who’s clearly having a tough go of it – let’s say she’s, oh, seven months pregnant and struggling with her man child of a toddler – turn the knife even further by snatching the only shopping cart within a ten-mile radius. Even if you don’t need it.

8.       Blatantly disrespect Mommy’s time by completely disregarding the window you’ve promised for service. (I’m looking at you, Refrigerator Repair Man.)

9.       Jerk Mommy around by transferring her from one incompetent account representative to the next. (I’m looking at all of you, Insurance Phone Representative People.)

And finally…

10.   Suggest to any Mommy – regardless her children’s ages – that she “should have lost all of her baby weight by now.” This is, by all means, an invitation for a myriad of problems. 

What sets you off?

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44 comments:

  1. Love it, love it, love it! They are all so true!

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    1. Thank you, andreajacole! Isn't it, though? Potential offenders better watch out.

      I'm just sayin.'

      Thank you for commenting!

      Delete
  2. omg -- an old man touched my daughter's face at the grocery store last week and I went into hardcore bitch mode. I respect my elders but all bets are off if you think it's okay to lay a finger on my kid.

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    1. See? This is *exactly* what I'm talking about. I had the same thing happen to me, which is what partly inspired this post. Let me set the stage: I was waiting in line at TJ Maxx with a crying Scotty who had just had his shots. (I wasn't shopping long; I just had to run in and get one thing.) Sara, I cannot begin to tell you the pure rage that rose up in me like a tidal wave...

      Thank you, as always, for commenting!

      Delete
  3. I love this! Number 10 really pushes my buttons!

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    1. Oh, does it ever for me, too. Admittedly, I haven't been razzed about my weight by others, as my children -- particularly Kennedy -- are still quite young. But I've heard/read about others having expectations thrown upon them weight-wise because their children are, say, elementary school age, and I just want to defend those mothers so badly.

      Having a baby really does change a woman's body. In most cases, it will never be the same. People need to just respect that.

      Delete
    2. Girl YES! My children are school aged and I'm still not the size I was before I had them and I'll never will be.

      By the way I just had to say this..... NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
    3. I just love you, Louida! Your comment above made me smile so...

      Honestly, though, could you think of a better picture to accompany this post? (Even though Joan's rage was grossly unfounded.)

      Seriously, though? I despise wire hangers and throw them out AS SOON as one enters this house. I'm a bit of a hanger snob: cedarwood and velvet-lined only need to apply.

      Delete
    4. New visitor to your blog and have to say I love this post! All so true...

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    5. Hi, BoyEatsWorld!!! Welcome...and thanks for commenting! :-)

      Delete
  4. OMG! I could not imagine doing any of these! Especially number 7! That's just wrong!

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    1. Hi, EstheticGoddess! I know...isn't this list sick? But this insanity is to be believed because, sadly, it happens. I can say that I have personally experienced several items on this list firsthand -- including #7. Oh, don't even get me started about that incident...Oh! And to add insult to injury is was 100 degrees out and I saw sweating like a beast.

      Delete
  5. Oh geez - no touching of me or my kids please! I am not a hugger of people I know let alone a toucher of people I don't know! The one about service people disrespecting the window of time - ugh! My realtor's assistant stopped by around 2:15 the other day to drop something off and she called beforehand to let me know. She is a mom of 4 so she also asked if it was nap time and said she would knock quietly. Extra points for her!! I admit that when I was young and stupid I made a comment after we had to reschedule something around a family member's daughter's nap 'can't they just skip nap? what's the big deal?' -- years later karma found me.

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    1. Ooooh, Susan. Do NOT f&^k with nap time. Talk about startin' somethin'...

      Your realtor's assistant is definitely our kind of people. lol

      Thank you for commenting.

      Delete
  6. And let's not forget as you are holding your baby on your hip and your stomach is still a little poofy and some idiot says all snarky "You're having another baby already"? Like b*tch suppose I was, who are you to question it. Yeah that happened to me. And the other one, don't rub my pregnant belly or even attempt to reach out to it and you don't know me. That's the equivalent of reaching out to my breast.

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    1. "Don't rub my pregnant belly."

      Yes! How could I have forgotten that one???!!! Ugh. Don't EVEN get me started on that.

      Angela, we SO think alike! Thank you so much for commenting.

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. What? I'm being dead serious, here! lol

      Thank you for reading and commenting, Mari. I mean it. :-)

      Delete
  8. HAHA love this list and so so true. Especially number five. NEVER comment on a kid's development. I have one that you probably didn't get since I was so OLD when I finally got PG. How's this for your list? "Wow you really waited a long time, huh?" Ouch. Also number 2. I can't believe how people actually try to question what's right in OUR OWN worlds. (insert hair tossing attitude here, please).

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    1. I know, right? I mean, what with the audacity of some people, this list could have been *at least* 30 items long -- and that's being conservative. (insert me adding a HUGE eye roll to your hair tossing attitude here.)

      Thank you so much for commenting, Kristi!

      Delete
  9. Great list - I understand every one of these. In addition, I've had a few friends say they got very annoyed by the number of complete strangers who'd come up to feel the pregnant lady's bulging belly. Who'd do that?!

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    1. Oh, Lexa!! That would SO set me off, Angela, above, mentioned the belly rub, and I can't believe I left it off the list...probably because -- thank God -- I was spared that, and thankfully never experienced such violation. But I did experience the gross amount of injustices on this list. Not fun, let me tell you, NOT fun.

      Thank you so much, Lexa! I hope you're having an awesome day. (In all of your lovely warm weather. sigh.)

      Delete
  10. Wow, #10 is so mean. Do people really do that?? I'm with you on #7.. let's help each other out - we've all been there, right?

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  11. Hi, Seana! (LOVE that name and spelling.) To answer your first question...YES! I worked as a sub teacher at my neighborhood middle school and listened on in horror as one of the teaching aides told a story about how some a-hole tried to humiliate her -- in public, no less -- because her kids were "too old" for her to still have baby weight.

    All I can say is, I'm so glad I didn't have to be in the presence of that guy. Geez. The nerve...

    Thank you so much for reading...and commenting!

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  12. this is very interesting and fun to read! great list...so true
    your blog is lovely-following back!
    have a great day~

    again, welcome to the blogosphere! :))

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    1. Thank you so much, Betty. That means A LOT coming from you!!

      You have a great day as well. Thank you for reading and commenting. :-)

      Delete
  13. Yes! Absolutely love this post!!!! My mom calls me firecracker because I am just ready to snap when it comes to my child. #2 and #5 are my pet peeves. Unwarranted advice just works my nerves - just because I'm sharing that my son drives me nuts doesn't mean that I was looking for advice on how to deal with him. Just listen to me vent and stop trying to solve it. And don't tell me that my son should be potty-trained by now. He's 2 and boys usually take longer. As long as he's not in kindergarten asking his teacher to change his diaper, I think we're right on track lol!

    This is such an awesome post! You have inspired me to write my own list! Thanks so much for sharing on Turn It Up Tuesday! We love having you! :)

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    1. Natasha, I love you. Really, I do. We are kindred spirits based on your comments and we really should consider being BFFs. lol

      "Just listen to me vent and stop trying to solve it." THIS!

      "And don't tell me that my son should be potty-trained by now." DOUBLE this.

      Have you started the training yet? Because we haven't. And, frankly, I'm in no rush because I know my son isn't ready, and he turned 30 months on March 7. The good thing is that a few months is a long time in their world -- A LOT of development can happen in that time. I'm not worried that he will be crapping his pants in college...so why should other people be? Jeez. I so "get" you.

      Thank you for commenting.

      Delete
  14. Love this post. All of the above but especially #5! It pissed me off when the same people asked me over and over again if my Zee was walking YET! She knew basic words like mommy and daddy, phrases like I love you and Thank You and could count 1-10 and mimic ABC's all before she walked. So let's see she walked at 14 months. Hmmmm, so your kid walked at 6 months but...
    Really hated those questions.

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    1. Oh, MJ. I recon that # 5 indeed was one of the primary ones that inspired this list -- and for good reason. This one gets most mother's goat. Our son was diagnosed with a language delay at 18 months. He's 30 months now and has since jumped that hurdle and is no long delayed. However, he still has a few pronunciation issues. I am admittedly sensitive to anyone who seems to think he is off because of it. His motor skills are that of a four yo, he can count (and recognize numbers both written and numerically) and do basic addition, he knows his alphabet backward and forward and can spell many words, etc...

      However, some negative a-holes will seem to overlook all of this and zoom in on the fact that he pronounces a word differently.

      Don't EVEN get me started.

      Thank you for reading and commenting. (I'm stopping by your place tonight after I put the kids to bed.)

      Delete
  15. Hahahahaha what sets me off? Boy that is a loaded question. I will say due to my temper I have to listen to gospel music at work to remind me from who I come from so I don't show my behind because people know how to push those buttons. For me, if I have to repeat myself - I LOSE IT. I do not like children or adults for that matter who ignore me when I am speaking directly to them. Whining......UGH! STOOOOOOPPPPPPP! The long drawn out syllables is enough to make me want to jump. Begging....nuff said. Be happy with what you have - stop constantly begging for more (more toys, more play dates, more sleepovers). Mommy tired. LOL. #SITSSharefest

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    1. Dear Curleedst,

      I. Love. You.

      You are my people.

      Delete
  16. Hahahaha, this is awesome...... I have been caught on several occasion telling the kids to leave the room as I am about to go All British on someone.....(My British Accent comes out when I get angry) usually on the phone who has transferred me a million times and NO ONE seems to know what they are doing, and yet that is their job and they are getting paid to not know what they are doing... Follow me??? Great post.... Thanks for the laugh!!! Stopping by from SITSgirl ShareFest

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    1. Yes, Ray...YES!

      Incompetent phone yahoos are the absolute worst. My last run-in lasted for nearly 90 minutes...all while I fed both kids, cleaned the kitchen, and made out bills. And guess what? I still didn't get an answer to what I was calling for. Classic.

      Your comment about your British accent made me laugh! lol

      Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your comment!

      Delete
    2. I think we would have a blast together on the phone dealing with these peeps!!!!

      Delete
    3. The two of us? Together? They couldn't handle us, Raymanda. I'll tell you that much. We would be too much woman for them.

      There is strength in numbers.

      Delete
  17. Great Picks! All true...LOL I have experienced the shopping cart situation with an infant and 2 toddlers and yeah that will definitely bring out the Momma Rage!

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    1. That males two of us,Tiffany! This was me when I was 8 months pregnant, at Target with a 23-month-old Scotty. And it was hotter than hell out, and I was sweating like a beast.

      It was a beautiful moment.

      Thank you so much for stopping by, commenting,and giving a shout-out via Twitter! I REALLY appreciate it.

      Delete
  18. Too funny, so glad those days are gone forever, even though my baby is 18 years old I am still trying to get rid of the baby fat - lol!! This is a great post - thanks for sharing it at the SITSGirls Sharefest!

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    1. Thank you, Antionette, for stopping by and commenting.

      And baby weight? What baby weight? You're gorgeous.

      have an awesome weekend. :-)

      Delete
  19. Oh my goodness. I love this list and can agree with all of them. I just had an episode with number five and number ten last week. Thanks for sharing this!

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    1. Hi, Miss Dre!! Yes, sadly, #5 seems to really be resonating with a lot of mothers -- myself included, hence the fact that it made this list. Like I stated above. Them's fightin' words.

      Don't start none; won't be none, I say...

      Thank you for stopping by -- and commenting. I appreciate it!

      Delete
  20. These are some good ones. Although I'll have to throw out some positivity, I was pregnant with one, trying to wrangle the toddler who didn't want to sit in the cart and trying to push the cart back to the car. Someone helped me by pushing the cart while I held my toddler. Something so simple was SOOOO helpful! I tend to be on the other end of the spectrum for child's development. Until otherwise proven (meaning by a doctor), I think most of the development is normal. My daughter barely said two words until she turned two and now I keep her quiet!

    Thanks for sharing with Turn it Up Tuesday!

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    1. That is excellent, April! I do love to hear a story about how strangers demonstrate good 'ol fashioned benevolence when someone -- particularly a struggling mom -- needs it.

      And as for your theory on development, I totally agree: The problem, however, is that so many do NOT and are thus quick to throw out conjecture about a child's development, when, in fact, they are nary qualified to do so. Grrrrr.

      Thank you so much for stopping by -- and weighing in! :-)

      Delete

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