Aren't they what Facebook is all about?
I mean, really. It's not like we have this burning desire to broadcast to the world today's to-do list, a photo of Aunt Mebel's rump roast, or the fact that little Susie possesses the innate talent to snort a Cheerio through her nose.
Okay, some people are overtaken by a burning desire to broadcast such information.
But for the vast majority of us, it's not these things that matter, per se: It's the validation and attention we receive for posting them.
And it's kinda addictive.
Which, when you think about it, is silly and scary at the same time.
Here are The 7 Stages of Facebook "Likes" Addiction:
Alright. First things first: Whether you just took some cookies out of the oven or you just hopped aboard a hayride, before something can be elevated to Facebook post status, it has to happen in the first place.
Because we now live in a time where we post even the most mundane occurrence the mili-second after it's happened, this stage often happens before we consciously know it. In the case of the freshly-baked chocolate cookies, we might get the urge to post a picture of them before the aroma even filters to the living room.
This stage actually commences before we hit the post button: It is the little voice inside our head -- the expectation -- that whatever it is that we will post will not only garner the attention of our friends and followers, but that they will also care enough about it to "like" it.
No, it's not a real word. And, yes, I totally made it up. Postation is the act of posting our words or comments onto our Facebook page. This stage has been known to be accompanied by a bevy of emotions, ranging from pride to euphoria.
After something has inspired you to post -- and you've done so -- the only thing left to do is wait for "likes" to come rolling in. Or so we hope.
This stage can go one of two ways and can basically be summarized by the following sentiments:
What?!? I can't believe it. Ten "likes" in TWO minutes? Damn, this post is killin' it!!
You feel amazing.
What?!? I can't believe it. Only one "like"? It's been FIVE WHOLE MINUTES.
You feel like ish.
A few minutes later, the aforementioned thought is followed closely by...
Only ONE more "like"??? Even the pic Dan posted of his dead parrot got seven!
Like the definition of the word itself, the dénouement stage is the final resolution. The outcome. The end of the road for this particular post. And like #6, this phase is also like A Tale of Two Cities because it can either be fantastic or f-ed up, which, of course, is determined by the number of likes. If your post has attracted a ton, then, hooray for you, you're probably busy counting them like Monopoly play money or, if your post is really overachieving, you're replying to comments.
But if you're still throwing shade over the fact that you've been trumped by Dan's dead parrot, you might feel like kicking your cat. And if you don't have a cat, you may be depressed enough to buy one solely for that purpose.
But in a matter of minutes, you'll cut your losses with this post and look forward to something else happening, which will set the vicious cycle into motion all over again.
And if you're overcome with the sudden urge to like something -- anything -- you may start by clicking here to like The Brown Girl with Long Hair on Facebook. (Yeah, shameless plug; flame away.)
A NOTE ABOUT MY POST SCHEDULE: Between blogging for the NFL, USA Football, and wiping the noses and behinds of two little ones, I have decided that it is in the best interest of my sanity (and this blog) to dial back a bit. Therefore, effective next Monday, November 17,
I will now publish new posts here every Monday and Thursday, come rain or shine.
(And I'm Type-A, so you know you can hold me to this.)
Thanks for your understanding. xo
Check out the awesome giveaways we've got going on at the moment, including one for
a Thanksgiving turkey, and another for two FREE tickets to an NFL game!!
Click here to enter one giveaway...or all of them.