"Get skinny!"
"Level
up!"
"Make more money!"
Messages abound about why and how we don't measure up.
But
here's a novel concept: Wouldn't we be better served by ignoring those voices—and practicing self-care instead?
Okay,
true: Self-care has been something of a buzzword recently. But it's important,
nonetheless, because it means taking care of yourself.
Not
in a selfish "To heck with everyone; I'm only out for me"-kind-of-way;
but rather in a "I realize that my own peacefulness and well-being is necessary
so that I can be my best self"-kind-of-way.
And
here are seven ways to do just that:
1. Eat a well-balanced diet
When
we’re exhausted—and starving, it’s easy to resort to whatever is handy: snack
foods loaded with sugar, and, worse yet, washing it down with soda or something
else that’s equally sugary. Basically, the more tired or stressed we are, the
more we tend to make unwise dietary decisions. And, of course, the problem is
that we need high quality food to perform well—no matter what we’re doing.
Paying attention to what we’re eating and consciously making better snack and
meal choices sets our sails in the right direction. We’re not striving for
perfection, here. Just progress.
2. Making a budget and planning for financial
wellness
While
it’s not always easy—or fun, for that matter, making a budget and following it
are two extremely beneficial financial habits. Not only does creating a budget
help keep our individual—or family’s—finances in order, but it also allows us
put cash away for rainy days and emergencies. And here's a bonus: Budgeting
also helps us save for special occasions such as Christmas or birthdays—occasions
that arrive at the same time every year, yet many of us remain unprepared for.
3. Voicing discontent
Voicing
discontent is just a fancy way of saying Speak up! One place where
people often remain quiet but shouldn't, particularly when something's
unsatisfactory, is in a restaurant. You deserve a pleasurable dining
experience. Period. “A lot of customers don’t like to complain,” said Doug
Brown, author of The Restaurant Manager's Handbook: How to Set Up, Operate,
and Manage a Financially Successful Food Service Operation, which is in its
fourth printing and is currently available on Amazon. And Brown thinks that’s a
shame. “A lot of people will just not come back [to a restaurant] and never say
why.” Well-run restaurants welcome constructive complaints. And the best way to
help them—and yourself, when you’re sitting there with the rockfish, but you
ordered the salmon—is to speak up right away. Be kind and mind your manners, of
course. The food industry has been hit especially hard of late, and the last
thing a food server needs is unnecessary rudeness.
4. Muting friends' accounts on social media
that trigger the comparison game
Now,
actively choosing not to see a friend’s social media posts is something many of
us are loathe to do, but it can bring surprising relief. And that’s because there
is a likelihood that we won’t even miss said posts in their absence. We all
have certain triggers that can cause our confidence to take a nosedive—and social
media can be rife with them because people are constantly showcasing the best
aspects of their lives. A beautiful (and costly!) wedding or a shiny new
promotion are just two examples of post-worthy occasions. But would these same
folks also post about their divorce or unemployment? It’s debatable. But if
your friend did, it would provide a dose of reality...and reality is often
what's lost on social media. Muting is the easiest and most efficient way to
cut through social media noise without severing social ties or ruffling any
feathers.
5. Set boundaries
“Boundaries
will set you free,” says Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed counselor and sought-after
relationship expert whose book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, was an
instant New York Times bestseller. During her fourteen years of
practice, Tawwab has learned that people don’t come to therapy realizing they
have boundary issues. Rather, she says, their boundary issues are disguised as
issues with self-care, conflicts with other people, trouble with time management,
or concerns about how social media impacts their emotional state. However, says
Tawwab, “Once they finish their tales of resentment, unhappiness, feeling
overwhelmed, and codependency, I say to them gently, ‘You have an issue with
boundaries.’” We all know we should have boundaries. After all, we need them to
achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding
relationships. Creating healthy boundaries leads to feeling safe, loved, calm,
and respected because they dictate how we allow people to show up for us—and
how we show up for others. But here’s the kicker: People don’t know what we
want. It’s our job to make it clear. And expressing that clarity saves
relationships.
6. Get real about the source of your guilt
Here’s
the story of Kate, a 25-year-old graphic designer who lives three states over
from her parents. During her parents’ last visit, Kate reached an epiphany: She
had been trained to feel guilty. It all started when Kate decided she wasn’t
going to grab coffee with her parents on the fifth morning of her parents’
stay. Says Kate, “Even though I’d spent every second of the past four days with
them, I knew they would be upset if I didn’t go with them to this one outing.
Even when I don’t do anything wrong, I’m worried my parents will be upset if I
don’t do something exactly how they wanted it. But I don’t even know how not
to feel that way.” Kate is not alone. The first step in this conundrum is
defining guilt, and the second step is to determine which type of guilt is at
play. The function of healthy guilt is to inform us of when we act in a way
that’s not in accordance with our values. (Say, for example, you jokingly
insult a friend, and it comes off as unusually sharp. You realize this—after
the fact—and your guilt leads you to apologize and check your behavior.) But there’s
another type of guilt, an unhealthy kind that is used as a tool of control—even
when it has nothing to do with our values. That’s the one Kate is dealing with.
In Kate’s case, many would likely agree that there’s nothing morally wrong with
an adult who chooses to opt out of a coffee run with her parents—despite loving
her parents and being genuinely happy to see them. Jenny Layton, a life coach
and creator of The Happy Gal blog, believes that carrying around
unnecessary guilt is the complete antithesis of self-care—and that putting down
said guilt is but one pit-stop on the journey to our well-being. “You won’t
resent things down the road. You’ll find happiness in the now, and peace in the
years to come.”
7. Do what gives you joy
Maybe
you work 10-hour days. Maybe you have work life and parenthood on your
plate. Maybe you’re the primary caregiver of your aging parent or relative. And
maybe you’re retired and don’t have any of the aforementioned obligations.
Regardless of who you are or what you do, you deserve happiness. Taking a
breather, as they say, avoids burnout and enables you to show up as the best
version of yourself. Whether it’s taking 20 minutes out of your day to enjoy a
walk, read a book, or turn off your phone and do absolutely nothing at all, do
it. And do it regularly. Because, as the saying goes: You can’t pour from an
empty cup.
© Copyright Courtney Conover, 2022
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