"Hi, Sir, When will my item be shipped?"

The sweatshirt that launched a million--okay, just one--blog post.

Don't you just hate it when you reach out to an online vendor about a purchase you've recently made, and the seller's response smacks of snark?

Let me rewind and explain.

I've gotten hip to something that many eBay sellers do all the time now: They'll mark your item as shipped, but the item hasn't been physically taken to the post office. 

However, by marking the item as shipped, the seller likely thinks he's bought himself some time because when the unsuspecting buyer checks the status of said item, they'll see that the item has been marked shipped.

And then the buyer gets all giddy and shit and thinks, Yay! My item is on its way!
But don't get out over your skis. 

For all we really know, the box is still on the seller's kitchen table--or worse, still hanging in their closet if it's an article of clothing. Who the hell knows where it really is, but it's not in transit, like we buyers have been led to believe.

Like I said, this shady behavior is rampant now on eBay.

But wanna know what's worse than this?

When the seller doesn't even hide his shade at all and blatantly drags his feet.
I liken that to the shipping version of flipping you the double bird.

So, a few days ago, I bought a pre-owned Michigan Alumni sweatshirt on eBay. 
Turns out, the seller is located about 30 miles north from me. (I know, shocker, right? I'm in Michigan...and the seller who listed the Michigan sweatshirt is also in Michigan! What. Are. The. Odds.)

But seriously. Here's the rub: I bought the sweatshirt on a Wednesday...but I noticed that by late Friday, the sweatshirt still hadn't been shipped.

I kind of assumed that the seller would realize: Wow, the person who bought the Michigan Alumni sweatshirt from me lives...whoa...not far from me at all! If I pop that sucker in the mail today, she'll get it, like, tomorrow. So, let me just do that.

But, no. 

No, sadly, that didn't happen.

What the seller did do, though, was grace me with his Neanderthal wit--with a heaping dose of sarcasm on the side--when I inquired about the shipping status of my sweatshirt.

Here's how our correspondence went:

Me:              
Hello, I purchased this item in Jan. 5. Can you please tell me when this item will be taken to the post office and shipped?
Thank you for your time.
Courtney

Him:

Hi this item was purchased later in the day on the 5th. We appreciate your purchase, but it’s the morning of the 7th, we are given up to 4 days to ship. But we plan on getting it out quicker than that for you ya!

Go blue!!!

The nerve.

Let's break this down, shall we?

Hi this item was purchased later in the day on the 5th...
Really!?! My, my. I had no clue what day it was when I decided to part with my money and buy your sweatshirt. No shit, Sherlock. OF COURSE I know the day the purchase was made--I made the purchase! And I allude to such in my inquiry. If you didn't have time to take it to the post office, however, you could have just said that.

We appreciate your purchase, but it’s the morning of the 7th...
Once again, Pal, I'm acutely aware of today's date. I know today is January 7th. 

We are given up to 4 days to ship...
Um, actually, no. You're wrong on that one, too: The standard verbiage on an eBay listing regarding handling time states "Will usually ship within 3 business days of receiving cleared payment." But here's the thing: Although eBay gives sellers 3 days to ship after payment has cleared, it is perfectly acceptable to ship BEFORE THAT. Now, I'm not going to crucify you in the event that you cannot ship in less than 3 days. We all have lives to live, and things get in the way. I get that. But if you plan on shipping after the 3-day window, why not just admit it and notify the seller (AKA me)? And lastly: For the love, why not practice some semblance of honest customer service and answer the question your buyer asked? There's a novel concept.

But we plan on getting it out quicker than that for you ya!
Um, excuse me, sir, but you still didn't actually answer my question, which was, WHEN WILL THIS ITEM BE TAKEN TO THE POST OFFICE AND SHIPPED?

So, where are we today?

This morning the package as marked shipped.